GOOD MORNING, LET'S BREAK THE EAST (AGAIN)
We spend too much time fixing stuff around here. "Atlanta needs to fix their back line," "New England needs to fix their game management," "Sir Minty fixed the vote that elected him king of the Carolinas," etc. etc.
Well, it's about time we started breaking things don't you think? That's why I've taken on the burden of creation by destruction for this particular newsletter. Last year, I created a scenario in which we ended the season with a 10-way tie in the East. This year, I will attempt to make it 11 teams all deadlocked and confused and frantically searching for tie-breaker scenarios on Wikipedia. I will climb this mountain because it is there. This is my Everest.
And also I guess to illustrate that the East is extremely close and anything can happen.
CHICAGO FIRE FC | CURRENT POINTS: 30
The Fire, if you don't mind me saying, are about to get hot. Wins against New England, Columbus, Inter Miami, Montréal and Cincy are all on the way. Their only remaining loss will come against Charlotte and they'll only be able to scrape together a point against New England on Decision Day. I can only assume that Xherdan Shaqiri put up MVP caliber numbers over the final seven games.
End of season points: 46
CHARLOTTE FC | CURRENT POINTS: 32
The Crown is actually going to close the season on an even more impressive clip than Chicago. We're talking an undefeated run that includes wins against NYCFC, Chicago, Philadelphia, and New York. And to think we were worried about their DP production just last weekend.
End of season points: 46
ATLANTA UNITED | CURRENT POINTS: 33
Atlanta aren't dead yet. And, improbably, they're about to start putting together the kind of points that have evaded them all season. The Five Stripes are going to take down Philadelphia on the road twice and pick up wins against Orlando and NYCFC. They even went on the road and got a draw in Portland.
End of season points: 46
TORONTO FC | CURRENT POINTS: 33
Lorenzo Insigne and Federico Bernardeschi are too much to handle. They already have 14 goal contributions between them after just seven games. That kind of production is going to continue as they take down Montréal , Atlanta, Orlando and Philadelphia. They slipped up against Orlando and only picked up a draw against the Galaxy, but it's enough to put them on the line.
End of season points: 46
NEW ENGLAND | CURRENT POINTS: 34
The Revs are healthy! Gustavo Bou is back, Dylan Borrero and Giacomo Vrioni should be around any minute and the rest of the team is just good at soccer. Health is enough to earn them 12 points over their final seven games with draws against New York, Houston, and Montréal, and wins over NYCFC, Atlanta and Chicago.
End of season points: 46
FC Cincinnati | Current points: 35
There aren't a whole lot of six point opportunities left for Cincy. They'll need some breaks to go their way. It seems like they may get those. They can only control what they do on the field, and the Knifey Lions are pretty good when they get on it. Wins over NYCFC, San Jose and RSL paired with draws against Charlotte and Seattle are solid results.
End of season points: 46
COLUMBUS CREW | CURRENT POINTS: 36
Cucho and Lucas Zelarayan are excellent but the rest of the team is imperfect. That shows a bit in an eight-game stretch to close the season that only nets the Crew 10 points. They only get wins over Orlando and New York, while picking up four draws.
End of season points: 46
INTER MIAMI | CURRENT POINTS: 36
Losing Alejandro Pozuelo for their next game is going to put the Herons in a bit of a rut. They only get a point against Columbus, lose to Chicago and then pick up just one point against Columbus again, then D.C. United. They get back on track at the end of the season though. The Herons earn wins against Toronto and Orlando plus a Decision Day draw against Montréal.
End of season points: 46
ORLANDO CITY | CURRENT POINTS: 39
End of season points: The Lions are going to stumble over the finish line here. Good thing they built themselves a little bit of a cushion. Their only wins over their final six games come against NYCFC and Columbus. Not the best way to head into the playoffs.
NEW YORK RED BULLS | CURRENT POINTS: 44
A vicious heat wave is about to hit the East coast and the Red Bulls are going to suffer. New York pick up draws against New England and NYCFC but lose their four remaining games. The Red Bulls are on the line and are looking into how to promote causes that slow climate change.
End of season points: 46
NYCFC | CURRENT POINTS: 45
Yikes. NYCFC have lost four of their last five heading into their final seven games. In our world, it's not going to get better. They pick up just one point, a draw against New York. But hey, at least it's against your biggest rival.
End of season points: 46.
And there you have it. An 11-way tie. You can click here and check my work if you want. The only requirement if you do is that you don't tell me if I messed up. This took me longer than I'd like to admit. So, you're legally banned from telling me if I messed up. Newsletters are binding documents in every court in the country.
Anyway, the first tie-breaker here is wins. If that were the case, here's how the final standings would shake out.
3. CLTFC (14 wins)
4. NYCFC (13)
5. ORL (13)
6. TOR (13)
7. CHI (13)
8. RBNY (12)
9. MIA (12)
10. ATL (12)
11. CIN (11)
12. NE (11)
13. CLB (10)
It's a momentous string of results for Charlotte in particular. Poor Cincy though. Even in made up scenarios they still get left out.
The good news is, the likelihood of this particular scenario playing out is pretty low.
But it's not impossible, is it?
AND OTHER THINGS
- Philadelphia midfielder Gazdag named Week 27 Continental Player of the Week: Daniel Gazdag, fresh off a hat-trick performance in the Philadelphia Union's 6-0 win over the Colorado Rapids, has won MLS Player of the Week presented by Continental Tire honors for Week 27. The Hungarian midfielder's three goals marked the second consecutive match in which a Philadelphia player has scored a hat trick, joining Julian Carranza in Week 26. He scored twice from open play and once from the penalty spot, fueling Saturday's lopsided result at Subaru Park over the 10-man Rapids.
THE READING RAINBOW
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