WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
ASSORTED THOUGHTS FROM THE CCL NIGHT THAT WAS
I didn't expect to start this newsletter with a whole lot to say about last night. The secret of first round CCL games is that the first legs usually don't mean all that much. The secret secret behind that secret though is that no matter what you think of the soccer, the Concacafiverse is going to deliver you entertainment in ways you'd never expect. If you're willing to tolerate some clumsy ball, you might be rewarded.
So yeah, I thought we might get to mention a couple kind of interesting things and then move on quickly and be glad that we're one day closer to the Watchgridometer. Instead, we got what might be *the* Concacaf night in the league's recent history in CCL. There's a lot to get to. Some of it even involves soccer.
Austin…man…what?
Holy smokes. Austin didn't just go down to the Dominican Republic and get a scare in their first ever CCL appearance. They got smacked. By the same exact play. Three times.
One time I played my little brother in an American football video game and fully expected to beat him by 50. Instead, he ran a play where every single receiver ran 40 yards down the field every single snap and beat me relatively convincingly in one of the lowlights of not only my youth, but my entire life. Violette ran the "cross the ball to the tall guy" play multiple times last night and it worked. Multiple times. Three times in fact. One time more spectacularly than the others, but we'll get to it. For now though, let's just appreciate that the core of the night's only three goals across three games came down to "Can't teach tall." Y'all can talk about your "beautiful game" and "total football" all you want. But soccer folks really shouldn't forget that you can't teach tall.
That said, my goodness Austin, what happened here? Sure, they rotated. Yes, this wasn't a full strength lineup. But this Violette team barely even exists right now. Haiti's domestic league hasn't played a full season since 2018. It's a near miracle that they made it to CCL. Their success last night is one of the most spectacular stories in the competition's history. Which means Austin's failure is also one of the most spectacular stories but for very different reasons.
The Verde & Black have a lot of work ahead of them in the second leg. They may very well get the job done in the end. But, then again, it's fair to ask if you can teach tall over the course of a week.
One tree hill
I also feel it's very important that I point out this game, played in the Dominican Republic instead of at Violette's normal home stadium, included a massive tree behind one of the goals. In addition to a soundtrack of high tempo horns and drums coming from the stands that seemed to pop up and disappear at a moment's notice, the tree made the whole thing feel like a fever dream. "Oh, ok, Austin is losing 3-0 to a team I know next to nothing about and there's background music that makes me feel like I'm playing a racing game on a Nintendo 64 annnddd oh, ok, right, look, a giant tree. Just going to wait for my high school English teacher to show up and tell me I failed my Brit-Lit final and then I can wake up."
Anyway, just think of all that massive tree has seen in its hundred plus years of existence and realize that this tree has never once seen an MLS team lose 3-0. Maybe we were always hurtling in space and time toward this moment though? Just look at Austin's logo. Maybe, just maybe, the tree has always been with us. What does it mean in the grand scheme of things? I don't know. But I feel like that's for the tree to decide.
Orlando did the thing!
We talked yesterday about how, if any team could head down to Mexico and just grit their way to a result against Tigres, Orlando would be that team. And, well, what do you know, they pulled out a 0-0 draw. Let's go ahead and lock in a 1-0 win for the Lions next week in Orlando and we can get this over with. It's how things seem to work these days.
They really do have a serious chance here to pull off what might be the second-biggest upset of the competition. Tigres striker André-Pierre Gignac likely won't be making the trip to Orlando due to his vaccination status. Tigres couldn't score with Gignac at home, how do they expect to score without him on the road? I'm just saying. Oscar Pareja and company could do this. And because you read The Daily Kickoff, you're only going to be kind of slightly surprised when it happens.
The Union did a thing
Jim Curtin rotated the Philly lineup about as much as I can remember him rotating it, and the Union got out of dodge with a 0-0 draw. It's kind of a bummer for the Union, who definitely had chances to go up. But now things go back to Chester, and Philadelphia can break out their biggest sledgehammer to make sure they handle things with ease. Honestly, this game would have been severely lacking in entertainment value if it weren't for…
DOG.
Wait, actually hold on, we'll get to the dog. I forgot to mention…
The own goal
I'm not going to name names, but the Austin own goal to put Violette up 3-0 is one of the most spectacular of the genre you'll ever see. Austin, once again, struggled to stop the tall guy, as Violette's Miche-Naider Chéry nearly found his third goal of the game with a soaring header. However, Brad Stuver made an outstanding save to keep the ball out of the net. Could this be what Austin needed to get back in the game? With one strong hand, perhaps the tide has turned. Perhaps the world could come back into tune and balance as Austin reassert theiOH GOD AUSTIN JUST SLAMMED THE BALL INTO THEIR OWN NET.
All of Stuver's outstanding work, ruined by the kind of decision that only happens when you're distracted by the majesty of a single, big as hell tree directly in front of you. Stuver did all the work on the group project only to have his teammate waltz in, look at it for the first time, and somehow set fire to the entire thing..
Incredible. What a night. A night only made better by…
DOG.
A talented and brave dog made his way onto the field during Philadelphia's game against Alianza. Now, I know what you're thinking. Could the dog have continued playing if given a jersey and proper equipment?
The answer is yes. I've ctrl+f searched the Concacaf rule book for the words "dog" and "canine," and there isn't a single rule about adopting a dog midgame and allowing him to continue on the field of play. Air Bud loophole, baby.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Would the dog have been the best player on the field? Well, at that point, it was probably Jose Martinez. But the dog might have been a close second. Notice in the video that the dog pops out from behind the ad boards and onto the field just a few moments before the ball goes out of play.
Dog, having just entered the field of play and not being tall enough to see over the ad boards, would have no real idea of what was happening in the run of play. All the dog knew at that point is that there was space to make a run challenging the back line, possibly into Zone 14. However, the dog, mid-sprint, notices that the ball is being thrown in and changes direction with elite precision to involve himself as an option.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Handball. Well, dogs don't have hands technically so your point is bad actually.
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Philadelphia Union right back/right dog, Olivier Mbonezo." And yeah, actually, that one's pretty good, I'm going to concede on that point.
AND OTHER THINGS
THE READING RAINBOW
FULL TIME
Good luck out there. Make your entrances spectacular.
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