WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
ALL-STAR GAME: THE VOTE VS. WAYNE ROONEY
The All-Star roster is officially out, and I know what you're thinking: Am I better at this than Wayne Rooney? One-half of the roster made the team via votes from media, players and, most critically, you, the fan. The other half of the roster made the team because they were personally hand-picked by D.C. United manager and former Derby County player Wayne Rooney.
There are also two Commisoners’ picks: Kei Kamara (CHI) and Mathieu Choinière (MTL)
So, who picked the better team? Let's go to the tape and see if we can sort this out. First, a reminder on the rosters.
TEAM LITERALLY EVERYONE BUT WAYNE ROONEY (TLEBWR)
FW: Dénis Bouanga (LAFC), Jesús Ferreira (DAL), Jordan Morris (SEA)
MID: Luciano Acosta (CIN), Thiago Almada (ATL), Aidan Morris (CLB), Hany Mukhtar (NSH)
DEF: Álvaro Barreal (CIN), Jon Gallagher (ATX), Matt Miazga (CIN), Walker Zimmerman (NSH)
GK: Roman Bürki (STL)
TEAM ROONEY (TR)
FW: Christian Benteke (DC), Cristian Espinoza (SJ) Giorgos Giakoumakis (ATL)
MID: Héctor Herrera (HOU), José Martínez (PHI), Riqui Puig (LA), Lucas Zelarayán (CLB)
DEF: Ryan Hollingshead (LAFC), Tim Parker (STL) John Tolkin (RBNY)
GK: Tyler Miller (DC), Djordje Petrovic (NE)
Now, clearly, there's a dilemma here. Both you and Wayne Rooney hauled off and picked 12 players. Only 11 can be on the field for each team. Two guys are going to have to come off the bench. Plus, somehow, someway, we're going to have to provide some semblance of shape and defensive structure. I've stepped in a made some executive decisions. First up, your team.
TLEBWR (4-3-3)
J. Morris-Ferreira-Bouanga
Acosta-A. Morris-Mukhtar
Barreal-Miazga-Zimmerman-Gallagher
Bürki
The front three is exactly what you'd expect. Jordan Morris has nine goals on the year, Jesus Ferreira has 10 goals and two assists and Denis Bouanga has 11 goals and two assists. Ferreira tends to do false 9 things anyway and it feels like it will play right into Morris and Bouanga's strengths. Simply put, this front three is a whole entire nightmare.
In the middle I had to make one particular cut I know folks are going to be fired up about. I exchanged Thiago Almada for Aidan Morris. I know, I know. But in my heart, I feel like I'm doing the right thing. First and foremost, this team needs someone to win the ball in midfield. That won't be Luciano Acosta or Hany Mukhtar. Morris is here because he just so happens to be extremely good at providing a defensive presence for a team that's constantly looking to get forward. Per FBref, Morris is in the 99th percentile among midfielders in tackles per 90 this season and the 89th percentile in interceptions per 90. Morris is the stabilizing force your team needs. And even if he's not, Acosta and Mukhtar will figure it out. Acosta has been the most influential player on the league's best team and Mukhtar has simply been the league's best player.
At the back...I dunno...it actually kind of works? Jon Gallagher has four goals and two assists from the right back position this year and five goals overall. Álvaro Barreal typically plays a little further up the field—it's part of why he's put up two goals and five assists this season – but he'll just have to hang back a bit this time out.
And even if it does feel kind of like a leaky back line, Roman Bürki has been outstanding this year. FBref has Bürki at nearly six goals saved compared to his post-shot xG faced. Essentially, he's been six goals-allowed better than average this season. The next closest player, Joe Willis, has been four goals-allowed better than average.
Alright, let's check in on Team Rooney.
TR (3-4-1-2)
Giakoumakis-Benteke
Puig
Zelarayan-Herrera-Martinez-Espinoza
Hollingshead-Parker-Tolkin
Petrovic
You'll notice immediately we had to get a little weird with it. I opted for Cincy's base setup of a 3-4-1-2. If only the people didn't have first dibs on Lucho Acosta.
Riqui Puig will be a perfectly effective stand in though. Admittedly, it's been a rough year in LA. But Puig has still found the time to be in the 94th percentile among midfielders in xG, the 77th percentile in expected assists and 99th percentile in progressive passes and carries.
He'll play a big part in getting the ball forward to two absolute tanks up top. Your team's center backs, Matt Miazga and Walker Zimmerman, better start a bulk cycle ASAP. Both Christian Benteke and Giorgos Giakoumakis will body you at every opportunity, and then they'll turn right around and make a clever run. Maybe they'll even cap that run off with an absurdly acrobatic finish.
It feels like an excellent subversion of the "One big guy, one little guy" trope teams fall into when they run a two-striker system. More teams need two ultra-talented dudes who happen to bench press more than two plates and can probably dunk. Anyway, Benteke has eight goals and two assists on the year while Giakoumakis has 10 goals.
Behind them, they'll have a…unique line of four. I had to move Lucas Zelarayan over to wingback which just feels completely wrong. He's put up eight goals and seven assists this year as the Crew's No. 10. The good news is that at least I found a way to get Cristian Espinoza on the wing. Espinoza has been excellent for San Jose this year, piling up eight goals and six assists.
The even better news is that I've found a way to keep Hector Herrera and Jose Martinez in the middle of the pitch. It feels like both players complement each other extremely well, and I would pay a ton of money to see these two together over a 34-game season. If any midfield two could slow down your team, it might be these two. Martinez could probably do it single handedly, to be honest, but Herrera is fun to have there too. Someone has to progress the ball after Martinez wins it back.
The back line…uh….
Djordje Petrovic is the most talented keeper in the league, and it kind of looks like he's set to go to a massive club in Europe soon for a lot of money. Rooney will need him to show that talent all game. Don't get me wrong, John Tolkin is a blast, Ryan Hollingshead has been underrated so long that he's almost properly rated now and Tim Parker has been great this year. But we're starting a back three with two attack-minded fullbacks. I'll just say that I definitely considered putting Tyler Miller at center back since he's basically been playing there anyway, but I really couldn't find a great solution.
The winner is…
Which brings us to our final verdict. Your Team is probably, definitely going to beat Wayne Rooney's. Rooney's team is going to scrap and claw for everything, but there's just an overwhelming amount of talent on Your Team and an actual sense of balance in midfield and on the back line. There's definitely a world where Rooney's team bullies their way to a win thanks in large part to the Benteke-Giakoumakis and Herrera-Martinez power couples. But I think seven times out of ten, you're getting the job done. Congrats.
The hard part now is figuring out which of these 26 players to start and get the win against Arsenal. The good news is…
THE READING RAINBOW
FULL TIME
Good luck out there. Surprise somebody.
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